Will we remember you?

Honestly, if you died today would the world miss you, let alone remember you?

I’ve sort of had a passive existence if I may call it that. I go to church every Sunday go to another every Thursday. Before that, I used to go to this church. But then again, in all the three congregations put together, I think only about 5 people know me by name.

I’m in my 3rd year of University now, and apart from my academic transcripts and proof of registration, there’s nothing else to show for that. No awards, certificates, or even a D merit proving that I am actually a UJ student.

I joined the school’s debate society last year. But to date I still have to introduce myself to someone in every meeting we have.

With that said, I guess it’s safe to say I’m living simply because I’m breathing but apart from that, I’m just there. Not doing anything amazing to grab attention neither am I doing anything wrong to get me into trouble. I’m just there, breathing, “safe” and totally obscure. Of course I
know God knows me by name but then, does he remember me?

I was sort of complaining to a friend last night about how I know SO many people from church, most of them by name, yet none of them ever remember me when said friend shared with me what they were told at work: “To be remembered, you’ve got to make an impact.”

You see now dear beloved; that is a very profound statement which didn’t bring me to tears, although it nearly did, but certainly stretched my heart.

I want to be missed but most of all I want to be remembered.

I’m not a baptized member of any church. I quietly slide into the church pews and as soon as the service is over, I, as quietly as I slid in, slide out and back home, back to my room….. my not so comfortable comfort zone. I’ve always told myself that the reason I wasn’t baptized still
was I didn’t want my views of God to be limited to what that particular church knew and taught about him. I did not want to be put in a box and neither did I want my God to be in a box. I wanted [and still want!] to be open to discover, learn and know all there is to know about Him.

But my afore-mentioned friend pointed out to me that I was somewhat missing the point. The goal isn’t necessarily to limit me but to belong, have a family! Ah, very wise guy that! Funny I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. And having been in boarding school all my life, I don’t
remember exactly how family feels like. I sure do have an idea, no real life stories to go with it.

That really struck a chord with me. Not just the usual oh-that’s-so-touching kind but the I’m-so-touched-my-heart-is-broken kind. But that wasn’t a bad kind of heart break, it was the good kind. Cos it forced me to look within, for once have the courage to face the ugly truths I’ve worked so hard to convince myself they didn’t exist. My kind of existence sucks, real
bad.

So my friends, I rarely, if ever open up to anyone about anything personal. My feelings are for me and me alone. But in my [last?] attempt to make an impact, be remembered I’m going to start opening up some more. I so admire people that put themselves out there, with all the ugly and messy bits of the stories of their lives, and do that with grace and mind blowing
boldness. Believe me you, there is beauty in being vulnerable. I just wasn’t smart enough to believe that at first.

I’m going to get baptized [can you hear the heavens [rejoice!] because honestly, I could do with the church family made up of all imperfect people who choose to love each other anyway. I will write some more, leave comments on blog posts that I read, speak up, be heard, make an impact, make an effort to etch if not my name, my warm smile/kind words/warm embrace/grace into the hearts of those I come into contact with, above all…. be remembered.

What will you do to be remembered?

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